A short 20 minute non-linear narrative game about negative experiences after coming out as transgender.

If you like this game, please consider purchasing, supporting me on Ko-fi or Patreon, or joining my community on Discord.

Developer's Note: This is a rather indulgent and unforgiving game, at least for me, as it only contains negative experiences. I recommend you only consider playing this game if you have the emotional capacity for it. I hope that it can give cisgender people an idea of what being transgender is like and for those who are transgender themselves that they are not alone in their experiences and that there's someone else who has felt the pain too. But, I also made this game for myself. I've made this game the same way you might write about the painful, dark memories you have in a journal to help process it and move on.

Controls:

  • Arrow keys/Enter or Mouse
  • Press 1 to toggle the dyslexic font
  • Press 2 to toggle the descriptive audio
StatusReleased
PlatformsWindows, macOS, Linux, HTML5
Release date Sep 19, 2020
Rating
Rated 4.7 out of 5 stars
(73 total ratings)
Authorexodrifter
GenreInteractive Fiction
Made withPaint.net, FL Studio, Unity, Audacity
TagsGender, LGBT, Nonlinear, Text based, Transgender
Average sessionAbout a half-hour
LanguagesEnglish
InputsKeyboard, Mouse
AccessibilityHigh-contrast, Blind friendly
LinksCommunity, Source code, Patreon

Download

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Click download now to get access to the following files:

Linux64 v1.1.tar.gz 105 MB
OSX v1.1.tar.gz 101 MB
Windows 32bit v1.1.zip 88 MB
Windows 64bit v1.1.zip 90 MB

Development log

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Comments

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(+1)

 I'm blind it took me 2 years to learn how to use my devices independently. I love gaming but often there's not any or many accessible games I can find and play. I was so happy when I found out there was descriptive audio aka self voicing. I'm non-binary and bisexual and it's hard for me to sometimes explain gender dysphoria. While it's different for everyone this game is really amazing and I'm so glad it's accessible for me too. Keep up the good work!

(+1)

I’m very happy you were able to play the game! Thanks for the well wishes and of course, thank you for playing <3

(+1)

Thank you for making your game inclusive and accessible. The game was amazing! 

(1 edit) (+1)

I have the attention span of a walnut and it's very hard for me to sit down and try out short game experiences, but I am so so glad I stuck it out for this one. It wasn't even sticking it out, I was immediately engaged! Excellent writing, excellent choices in timeline. Excellent use of choices! When it just cut to the courthouse outfit decision, it was a gut punch. Impossible choices, i s2fg. I'm non-binary and my experiences with dysphoria are very different from a lot of what is depicted here, but so so much of it hits the same. I just need to thank you that much more as a fellow trans person for the emotional labor that goes into creating an experience like this.

awesome game! i'm sharing it with irl friends, cis and trans alike <3 take care and thank you! 

You’re welcome, and thank you! I’m so happy that the game was engaging for you. And yes, there was quite a bit of emotional labor involved (I originally wanted to have one more arc than I actually did) but I think it worked out c:

I hope your friends enjoy it too!

(+2)

Oof, this felt like getting teeth pulled, and I'm cis. I congratulate you for having the courage and artistic boldness to transcribe these expereinces in game form. It's a powerful work.

I’m glad you had a good experience with the game, and thank you for your kind comments <3

(+1)

aww this is so good. At first playing made me uneasy because I'm AFAB but I don't identify that way so some choices didn't feel like the ones I would choose, but looking past it, everything feels really relatable, especially when you tell yourself that it's fine that someone misgendering you because it takes so much effort to explain to someone who you are when you aren't even going to see them again afterward. 

And like having to choose between correcting them on your pronouns or your name. I haven't gone to the court to change mine yet, but you did so well writing it out.

(+1)

Thank you! Yeah, I had considered adding pronoun choices but I didn’t want to make a “character creation” screen however brief for several reasons:

  • At the time, I only wanted to work on the game over a single weekend.
  • It would expand the amount of writing I’d have to do (and I’d have to be super careful about not making a mistake and accidentally using the wrong pronoun at the wrong time, which would be particularly bad in this kind of story).
  • I don’t know about the experiences unique to transgender men, non-binary people, people who reject gender entirely, etc.

So I decided to keep it within my experiences and tell a story about the things I know, though I recognize that there are probably many things people don’t identify with. That being said, I think there are plenty of things people can find relatable and I’m happy that it was like that for you.

I hope your name change goes smoothly <3

(+1)

Tytytyty, me too, going to court seems really scary, and time-consuming. But it was really cool finding a game that sorta goes through the process. It makes it seem less daunting. <3

(+2)

I love the non-linear spiral narrative of the story. New facets of scenes we've experienced are revealed slowly, microaggressions compound. It's really smartly written and designed. The sound design and voice acting are incredible. Yes it focuses on negative experiences, but the pacing allowed me to take my time without getting overwhelmed and the sound design coaxed me back into the experience. The game feels both generous and confident in that way. This would make a great series - I'm invested in the character and am rooting for her. 

(+1)

Thank you for your kind words! I am happy that you found the game to be as engaging as I could ever hope for, though I don’t have plans to make this into a series. <3

(+2)

For anyone struggling with Gender Dysphoria (Trans, Non-Binary, etc.)

         You are loved. You are amazing. I love you.

For anyone struggling with Body Dysphoria,

               You are beautiful/handsome. I love you so much.

I know I'm a stranger on a screen, but I do. We're never going to meet (maybe) but I do love you. Keep being amazing, and shining as bright as you can! Keep walking with your chin up. Eat some good food, and binge watch a good show. Take some time for yourself. I don't wanna sound cliche, but just do it. <3

(+4)

as someone who is not trans, but still in lgbtq+ , I hard to fully understand the struggle trans people have in this world, but I really impressed with the voice acting, no image, just text and voice and I still can hear the pain in it. I love it...

(+1)

I am happy you loved it, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

Really, really fantastic work. It hit hard, haha. I hope you're doing good, you certainly deserve it.

(+3)

Thanks! I like to think things are always getting a little better. I hope things are getting better for you too c:

(+1)

Thank you, they are!! :]

(+2)

This game was painfully accurate. I've identified as transmasc for like 5 years and nonbinary for the past 2 years. Coming out over and over again, debating your existence, serving as a diplomat for the trans community...it gets so exhausting. But hey, at least we have each other <3
This was nice, good work!

(+3)

We do indeed have each other, thank you for playing! <3

(+2)

This is an amazing game. it truly is a piece of art

(+1)

Thank you for your praise u-u <3

(2 edits) (+4)

This game hit hard. I am an non-binary individual who used to identify as transmasc, and this game really reminded me of the times people would misgender me. Luckily, everyone I came out to was amiable and accepting (even if they did unintentionally misgender me quite a lot).

I literally made an account just to post this comment

(+1)

Thank you, I really appreciate that you took the time. I hope things are easier now <3

(+4)

as a trans person this hit hard for me im ftm i came out 2 years ago but im still misgendered and deadnamed im planning to come out again to show my mother that it wasnt a phase she has been using the word girl a lot more often and i mean a LOT and i hate it i have dysphoria a lot and its the worst feeling ever 

i loved this thank you for making this 

Happy pride month!! :)

(+4)

You’re welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. Happy pride month to you as well! <3

(+4)

I think this might be the first time I've left a comment on an itch game. I'm cis myself but someone I really care about recently came out as trans and... This activated my empathy something fierce. A lot of things I never thought about, experiences I never imagined. I hope I'm a bit more aware going forward to care for the trans folks around me. You've made something good for the world here. This is a special one.

(+1)

Thank you for taking the time to write this comment, it means a lot to me to know that my game was able to communicate those things to you and that you were able to empathize. Let’s make the world a better place for everyone <3

(+3)

ach. This is a very impactful game. Thank you for sharing, I appreciated it greatly. If only it were not so relatable

(+1)

You’re welcome, I’m happy you appreciated it and found it relatable (even though it is painful). <3

(+1)(-1)

It certainly was an interesting insight.
But I wouldn't see this as a game, rather than just a story. The sounds and the "clicking to continue" doesn't really make it a game.

Anyhow, more people should see this story.

(+1)

I’m glad you enjoyed it, feel free to share it with whomever you choose <3

(+3)

I found this page through the "Queer Games Bundle" and I'd just like to thank you for making it. I'm a straight cis man from Brazil and I am absolutely sure that this experience will help me to avoid making hurtful mistakes.

(+2)

Thank you, I am glad you found it useful and informative <3

Deleted 50 days ago
(1 edit) (+2)

I’m glad you enjoyed the game and felt understood, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

Dude, I feel like I have been going through Gender Dysphoria since I came out as Non-Binary, and to this day, my gender gets mistaken. This game helped me to understand not only the struggles of transgender people, but also to help me understand that gender dysphoria is something that everyone who changes their gender goes through. Thanks @exodrifter for making this. I wish you the best of luck! You are beautiful, no matter your gender (except me. I ugly (: ) <3

(+1)

You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it! Though, I hope you’ll find it in yourself someday to recognize the beauty you already have within yourself.

(+2)

Hi there! Sorry it took me so long to reply! But here's a small gender dysphoria/euphoria update:

I still struggle, but my bf has helped me through. Thanks for the small reminder that I'm beautiful. I identify as Non-Binary, but I use it was an umbrella term sometimes. If you wanna get technical, I'm Agender. But, I prefer Non-Binary. I feel so proud, and I want everyone reading this to know you are beautiful and I am proud of you, no matter your gender, sexuality, or race. We may never meet, but I wanna say something.

                   I love you. <3

(+2)

i feel so understood

(+2)

I am happy you connected with the game <3

(+2)

this is one of the most well written game i've ever played in a long time plus the voice actors were amazing. 

well done 10/10

(+2)

Thank you for the praise, I’m happy you enjoyed it <3

(+1)

IT'S MA'AM

(+1)

YES’M

(+3)

I am a cis person myself but thoughout the story i really enjoyed the how it showed the stuggle of trans people in modern day and camptures the deep meanings of what it was like although i have never felt that way myself game is 10/10

(+1)

Thank you for playing and leaving a comment <3

(1 edit) (+3)

I have a lot of trans, non-binary and genderfluid friends. I always try to understand as much as I can about their experiences with gender dysphoria. This game was very interesting! I was really invested in what will happen next. I like how you keep finding out more and more about the mc. Tbh I could see myself in some of the characters: trying to be as supportive as possible, yet not sure if what they're doing is right. In some parts I just felt so bad for the mc: she can't really blame anyone for things that happen. Great game (also a note: the soundscape was suuuuper good!)

(+1)

Your compliments for the game are greatly appreciated. Thanks for sharing your experience! <3

(+3)(-1)

I'm masc nonbinary (they/them), and wow this hit hard. I'm only out to a few close friends and teachers irl, and it's so exhausting having to put up with everyone who doesn't know. I'm not comfortable correcting people and outing myself, but every single time someone says she there's that awful pang in my chest as I correct them in my head with a silent, upset "them." This entire game was made so well; the situations are so common and so frustrating, and the sound design was amazing. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to come out and actually be myself.

(+1)

I hope so too, good luck <3

(+3)

As a guy who came out to my mom a few months ago this hit hard and im so happy for those who can feel like themselves unfortunately I cant since my mom told me to never speak of it and pretends it never happened insisting on calling me she, sadly I cant do anything since im a minor but at least I have my friends and little siblings support your game is amazing and I really find it hopeful 

(+2)

I’m glad this resonated with you, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

This hit me in the feels, I used to be in that phase of being trans, people seeing me as a feminine man, instead of a girl, my voice used to be my biggest insecurity but I've started voice training and it made it so much better along with Estrogen that stuff works miracles, loved this game left me crying after and I love you as the developer you did amazing encapsulating the feeling of gender dysphoria.

(+1)

Thank you so much for your comment and appreciation. I am happy you enjoyed the experience, and thank you for playing. <3

(+3)

if this game was any longer i would've cried, this has helped me understand more about gender dysphoria.

(+2)

Thank you for playing and taking the time to leave a comment <3

(+5)

This was haunting and gave me a lot of insight. Thank you for your work.

(+1)

You’re welcome, I’m happy you enjoyed it. <3

(+6)

Lemme tell y'all how relatable af this game is for me. I'm not mtf but I am enby and I do present more feminine a lot along with the fact I was amab. I have gender dysphoria myself and my parents have questioned why a feminine name and she/they pronouns, asking if they call me their daughter or son and didn't like it very much when I said to call me their child. They told me that they have but I just never pay attention or care when I hear them call me their son all the time. It is pretty much only my family that I have to put up with for this, at least for who I'm out to. They are Christian and have questioned so many things and they piss me off with all these questions about me as though coming out wasn't hard enough. They get upset about me emailing them even though it's easier for me due to the fact I have extreme anxiety and I'm scared of what they might do. They then proceed to tell me they have done nothing to make me feel scared even though all they have done is make me scared and given me ptsd. 

(+2)

That sounds rough. Thank you for sharing your story with us <3

(+4)

Np, it's nice being around people who I'm comfy with sharing. Even if I don't know anyone on here, it's still comforting, in a strange way, to know there are people like me on here.

(+3)

I couldn't really relate to absolutely everything as I had different experiences as a black trans woman but I could feel the discomfort the protagonist was feeling and I could feel her inner turmoil.amazing story. 

(+1)

I’m glad to hear it, thank you <3

(+2)

Loved the pace and the mood set. Good job :)

(+1)

Thank you so much <3

(+3)

I'm usually not much of a only text game but I really really liked this game. The sounds and everything, also the way the story was told was so interesting. An uncomfortable and good little game <3

(+2)

Thank you for playing! <3

(+1)(-21)

You know, I'm a person who thinks games are art. I really do! Code is as good as if not better than paper, a stage or marble. But people like you really don't make my job easier.


You don't write a story about struggle of any kind without any characters (unless you count the amorphous blob of caricatures who all share the single personality trait of "did a mildly rude thing once probably")


You don't help anyone get what trans people are going through by publishing horribly-made games because guess what? Empathy exists! "I hope that it can give cisgender people an idea of what being transgender is like"

Not an in depth look, not an explanation, just "an idea" because no outsider can even comprehend your struggles.



And please for the love of whatever god you believe or don't believe in don't put glitchy sand-crushing noises in anything. It doesn't set any mood, it just makes everyone mute the game. What did you think would happen?


I don't really see myself as a sexist person, you may think otherwise which would be wrong by your way of thinking. Way to assume that everyone single "person who writes comments under games that are milking the emotions of people struggling with serious stuff" is sexist!


You can judge people by appearance, it's easier. Way easier. You do it, I do it, everyone does it! You are in no way obligated to spend the extra mental energy (no matter how miniscule it might be) to think about pronouns and shit. When talking to strangers that is. With friends or people you know, you absolutely should refer to them the way they prefer. Even if it's something as small as using a second-name or a nickname.



But still, no stranger has to give a single time-bending shit about you. Especially if you're always bitter about people not magically being %100 conscious about making you feel comfortable all the time.


Just get you head out of your fucking ass, and explain it to people if they ask. If they don't just ignore them. You don't become morally superior by over-explaining other thing so why would this topic lead to anything else?

(+10)

I’m glad you had so much to say about this game. I really sincerely appreciate the response as it helps me think about the things I make from viewpoints that I don’t necessarily possess and do better next time. That being said, please allow me to clarify a few things:

  • This story is, in fact, not about the minor characters. It’s just about how the main character feels, and that’s all there is to the story. Most of the minor characters are people that the main character doesn’t know. They are strangers, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with writing a story about how it feels to interact with strangers.

  • I am glad to hear that the sound design of the game was uncomfortable enough that you had to turn it off. I believe this was the desired feeling I wanted to invoke.

  • I don’t think you’re sexist for posting this comment. I’m not sure why you would assume that I would believe that.

  • I in fact don’t think it’s a stranger’s fault for not using the right pronouns to refer to someone. I’m sorry if you felt like that was implied – I tried to avoid implying that by never letting the main character assign blame for being misgendered. Perhaps I should have been more explicit than that. All I wanted to convey is that it just really, really wears you out, especially since there isn’t anyone to blame for it. There isn’t anyone to get mad at. It just hurts, full stop.

  • I did not expect to become morally superior by making this game. I’m not really sure how or why this game would make me feel that way even if I wanted it to.

(+6)

Reviews like this say a lot about the reviewer. It's best to take it with a grain of salt, knowing a lot of people's responses are going to relate to their limited experiences and that's okay. There's still valid feedback to take into consideration. I just wish people were more mindful of this.

(+4)

So I posted a little story of my own and if anyone has to pull their head out of their ass, it's you. The creator (who did a very lovely job on this amazing game) portrayed everything very accurately. It's sad to see people like you are degrading other's work whether that person worked hard on it or not. This is a beautiful game about gender dysphoria. You chose to half-ass the game and you chose to blame others for "not making your job any easier" when in fact this game had nothing to do with your job and making it easier. So if you want to be entitled, go hang out with some Karens and keep your toxicity away from us because us bad bitches only breathe fresh air and not air contaminated with your polluting words of hate. 

(+2)

I see a little irony in this review, in that it is claimed off the bat that we don't need a game because we can just empathise with trans people with or without one. And then not long after, there is a haphazard justification for why misgendering happens, and a call to just pretend it's not hurting us and go on with our day (hello? isn't that exactly what the game was about?). Ignoring it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I think there has been a noticeable lack of empathy in this review, so perhaps the game does in fact warrant a full play-through.

(+3)

I love this game so much i swear-

As a trans guy the "What did i do wrong" from the mother made me sob on spot/hj

it gets kinda oddly stressful(?) after seeing nothing but positive trans narratives, you really showed one of the other sides of what being trans is like and you did it so well too-

(+2)

Thank you so much for your comment <3

I think it’s important to recognize the pain and I hope the game had some cathartic value for you, as making it did for me.

(+6)

I liked your game, sometimes I feel flooded with the pressure of positive trans narratives when my experiences were pretty awful. 

Thank you for making this.  

(+1)

I am very happy to hear you liked the game! Certainly, while my personal experiences are on a relatively tamer note compared to some people I know, it all still sucks anyway. I think it’s important to recognize the pain and hurt.

Thank you so much for taking the time to play and leave a comment, it means a lot to me. <3

(+1)(-18)

BOOORRRIINNGGG

(+4)

yup

(+4)

Great work! ^^

(+5)(-1)

Thank you so much <3