A short 20 minute non-linear narrative game about negative experiences after coming out as transgender.

If you like this game, please consider purchasing the game or the OST, supporting me on Ko-fi or Patreon, or joining my community on Discord.

Developer's Note: This is a rather indulgent and unforgiving game, at least for me, as it only contains negative experiences. I recommend you only consider playing this game if you have the emotional capacity for it. I hope that it can give cisgender people an idea of what being transgender is like and for those who are transgender themselves that they are not alone in their experiences and that there's someone else who has felt the pain too. But, I also made this game for myself. I've made this game the same way you might write about the painful, dark memories you have in a journal to help process it and move on.

Controls:

  • Arrow keys/Enter or Mouse
  • Press 1 to toggle the dyslexic font
  • Press 2 to toggle the descriptive audio
StatusReleased
PlatformsWindows, macOS, Linux, HTML5
Release date Sep 19, 2020
Rating
Rated 4.7 out of 5 stars
(120 total ratings)
Authorexodrifter
GenreInteractive Fiction
Made withPaint.net, FL Studio, Unity, Audacity
TagsGender, LGBT, Nonlinear, Text based, Transgender
Average sessionAbout a half-hour
LanguagesEnglish
InputsKeyboard, Mouse, Gamepad (any)
AccessibilityHigh-contrast, Blind friendly
LinksCommunity, Source code, Patreon

Download

Download NowName your own price

Click download now to get access to the following files:

gender-dysphoria-linux64-v1.2.tar.gz 95 MB
gender-dysphoria-osx-v1.2.tar.gz 105 MB
gender-dysphoria-win32-v1.2.zip 92 MB
gender-dysphoria-win64-v1.2.zip 95 MB
gender-dysphoria-ost-lq.zip 13 MB
if you pay $2 USD or more
gender-dysphoria-ost-hq.zip 92 MB
if you pay $2 USD or more

Development log

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Comments

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Viewing most recent comments 1 to 40 of 59 · Next page · Last page
(2 edits) (+1)

As a christian, even if you're transgender. God will still love you, hope you heal soon from the dysphoria! (Remember, if you're a transgender man/woman. You're still considered a man/woman.Don't listen to the transphobics.) - Love, from a sweet demiromantic and ace cis female. <3

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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it <3

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Is this what'll happen. If I want to live as myself, just thinking about it makes me never want to come out but at the same time if feel like ill never move past this if I don't. I'm sorry, this game just hit a little too hard even as an egg

(+1)

It’s rough sometimes, but I am much, much happier these days. It’s nice to be my full, authentic self and the game is unfair in that it doesn’t make an attempt to share any of the positive experiences I’ve had, and there are many of them.

For me, it’s hard to fully describe the change that happened after coming out. I found joy and happiness in places I didn’t expect. I hope you find happiness too, good luck out there. <3

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It's good. Great execution! (:

Thank you, I appreciate it <3

(+2)

At first this made me upset, but as I continued... I just got angry. I had gotten so, so very angry. This shouldn't happen to anyone, and I'm honestly disgusted that it still is.

(+1)

I wish things were better too. Thanks for getting angry on our behalf <3

(+3)

thank you so much for this game.. it reminds me that i'm not alone in this experience

(+2)

you’re welcome, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

Damn this hit hard and for real, being transgender this felt way too relatable and i honestly felt anxious when playing this

10/10 :]

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i’m glad it was relatable, thanks for playing <3

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im not even transgender or anything but this was cool

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thank you, i’m glad you liked it!

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this is one of my favourite games on the site, it kinda perfectly describes my experience of gender dysphoria. If I were asked by a friend why I started my transition this game is what I'd send them.  

(1 edit)

I’m happy to hear it’s one of your favorites! I hope your transition is going well and thanks for your kind words <3

(+1)

This is my girlfriends name, I love her so much this made me emotional. 

It’s a good name. Thank you for sharing <3

(+2)

Truly a beautiful game, I found myself in it, only that in my case I don't have the courage to talk about it and I remain uncomfortable in silence while people's words hurt me, having no one by my side. Anyway nice game <3

(1 edit) (+1)

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the experience <3

I hope you find someone to stand by your side.

I am organizing a game festival (called "what's it like to") about empathic video games in Antwerp, Belgium with my non-profit organization and would like to exhibit this game, if that's okay for you. If so, which credits can I add? Who is the designer, etc.? Maybe a link/code to your website or social media if you have any? 

Great game!

Hi there! I’m the designer. You can credit me as “exodrifter” (all lowercase) with a link to exodrifter.space. It would be nice if people at the event know that the game can be played for free here on itch.io or purchased on Steam.

I’m more than happy to have anyone exhibit the game (and I’d love to see pictures of the event too). I hope the event goes well and thanks for playing the game <3

I will definitely send you some pictures of the event (which takes place 23-24 september). Thank you for answering so quickly! 

Hi there (again)! Can I have your email purhaps? I want to ask you something about this festival we're organizing. Thank you!

Deleted 188 days ago
(+1)

Jesus CHRIST, that hurt!!!

...Not in a bad way, per se, but still!

That constant, consistent creeping sense of... Of... I don't even know, it's that strong on me. ...Despite being a little closer to cis than trans, all things considered (Still some speculation over callin' myself Demiboy or not, tbh).

Brave 'uns, y'all trans folk. All of y'all.

- A moderately anxious (& overly disorganized) Bisexual

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Thank you, and thanks for playing. I’m happy to hear what you though of the game.

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aw man this hurts. but in a cathartic way. it's definitely something i'll be coming back to. thanks for the great game

I’m glad you found it cathartic, and you’re welcome. <3

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this game was amazing i can tell you put so much work and emotion to it!!

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thank you so much, i’m glad you enjoyed it <3

Of course!!

(1 edit) (+1)

i've  learnt how hard it's like to be a transsexual through this,well,emotionally,i quite look up to these people who have the bravery to act against the God's will.from my point of view ,the body is in possession only of oneself ,and one has the right to define its life and gender, we as friends and relatives defenitely should give more care to these guys.

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Thank you for playing and the support you express, I am happy it was a worthwhile experience for you.

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this game was like several punches in the stomach, but the pain won't go away easily. this is gonna give me quite a bit to think about too. I very much enjoyed this experience (even tho I felt quite sad and hurt while playing), I think more people should definitely play this game. it'd be nice to see more games like this from you.

Thank you, I hope I can do so again <3

Have you ever played and read the warning knowing damn well it's you but you just don't listen

I hope you are doing okay.

I'm alright I guess but to be honest I can relate to this game except I'm trans and gay so I'm a dude. :)

(+4)

oooff as a transfeminine person still in the life of my transphobic parents i heavily relate to this- to anybody trans living with their parents who reads this, your freedom doesn't end at being called something you dont want and wearing something you dont want, make good friends who will respect who you are and youll make it <3 best wishes

(+1)

thanks for your kind words, best wishes for you and everyone else as well <3

(+3)

This series of interactive scenarios resonates with my experiences as a young trans woman. I hope that folks like me are able to see this project and recognize that they're not alone in these moments, that life continues and can improve, and that there are women who share their circumstances, as well as their desire for respect and compassion. Thank you for creating this project, and I wish you well.

Thank you for playing and the well wishes <3

(+1)

I love games with passion like this. its very accurate to me personally, though i am a trans man. thank you for putting hard to describe emotions into sounds and personal experience.

and thank you for the font choices!

You are welcome! I am glad the work resonated with you and that the font choice was useful <3

(+2)

Playing this game as a trans dude was a really interesting experience. Every time someone would use sir or he to refer to the speaker, I'd feel really happy, but then I'd remember this is from the point of view of a transfeminine person. I would have to pause when there was a choice to correct someone, because in most cases if someone referred to me that way I'd be really happy, but I also wanted the speaker to be happy. I don't play a ton of video games, but I really enjoyed this one. 

(+2)

Yeah, giving a way for someone to select the gender of the player character was something I considered, but I ended up deciding not to because I just wanted to express my own experiences, among various reasons. I’m glad you enjoyed it regardless! Thanks for playing <3

(+3)

this is a powerful message to the world, and i think that its a masterpiece. kudos to you my friend, and to all the strangers who read this too! you got this, and your identity is nobody else's choice. who you are is who you know you are in your soul and spirit, dont let anyone tell you otherwise, whether its about gender or the way you dress or your pronouns. :]

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Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for playing! <3

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 I'm blind it took me 2 years to learn how to use my devices independently. I love gaming but often there's not any or many accessible games I can find and play. I was so happy when I found out there was descriptive audio aka self voicing. I'm non-binary and bisexual and it's hard for me to sometimes explain gender dysphoria. While it's different for everyone this game is really amazing and I'm so glad it's accessible for me too. Keep up the good work!

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I’m very happy you were able to play the game! Thanks for the well wishes and of course, thank you for playing <3

(+1)

Thank you for making your game inclusive and accessible. The game was amazing! 

(1 edit) (+1)

I have the attention span of a walnut and it's very hard for me to sit down and try out short game experiences, but I am so so glad I stuck it out for this one. It wasn't even sticking it out, I was immediately engaged! Excellent writing, excellent choices in timeline. Excellent use of choices! When it just cut to the courthouse outfit decision, it was a gut punch. Impossible choices, i s2fg. I'm non-binary and my experiences with dysphoria are very different from a lot of what is depicted here, but so so much of it hits the same. I just need to thank you that much more as a fellow trans person for the emotional labor that goes into creating an experience like this.

awesome game! i'm sharing it with irl friends, cis and trans alike <3 take care and thank you! 

You’re welcome, and thank you! I’m so happy that the game was engaging for you. And yes, there was quite a bit of emotional labor involved (I originally wanted to have one more arc than I actually did) but I think it worked out c:

I hope your friends enjoy it too!

(+2)

Oof, this felt like getting teeth pulled, and I'm cis. I congratulate you for having the courage and artistic boldness to transcribe these expereinces in game form. It's a powerful work.

I’m glad you had a good experience with the game, and thank you for your kind comments <3

(+1)

aww this is so good. At first playing made me uneasy because I'm AFAB but I don't identify that way so some choices didn't feel like the ones I would choose, but looking past it, everything feels really relatable, especially when you tell yourself that it's fine that someone misgendering you because it takes so much effort to explain to someone who you are when you aren't even going to see them again afterward. 

And like having to choose between correcting them on your pronouns or your name. I haven't gone to the court to change mine yet, but you did so well writing it out.

(+1)

Thank you! Yeah, I had considered adding pronoun choices but I didn’t want to make a “character creation” screen however brief for several reasons:

  • At the time, I only wanted to work on the game over a single weekend.
  • It would expand the amount of writing I’d have to do (and I’d have to be super careful about not making a mistake and accidentally using the wrong pronoun at the wrong time, which would be particularly bad in this kind of story).
  • I don’t know about the experiences unique to transgender men, non-binary people, people who reject gender entirely, etc.

So I decided to keep it within my experiences and tell a story about the things I know, though I recognize that there are probably many things people don’t identify with. That being said, I think there are plenty of things people can find relatable and I’m happy that it was like that for you.

I hope your name change goes smoothly <3

(+1)

Tytytyty, me too, going to court seems really scary, and time-consuming. But it was really cool finding a game that sorta goes through the process. It makes it seem less daunting. <3

(+2)

I love the non-linear spiral narrative of the story. New facets of scenes we've experienced are revealed slowly, microaggressions compound. It's really smartly written and designed. The sound design and voice acting are incredible. Yes it focuses on negative experiences, but the pacing allowed me to take my time without getting overwhelmed and the sound design coaxed me back into the experience. The game feels both generous and confident in that way. This would make a great series - I'm invested in the character and am rooting for her. 

(+1)

Thank you for your kind words! I am happy that you found the game to be as engaging as I could ever hope for, though I don’t have plans to make this into a series. <3

(+3)

For anyone struggling with Gender Dysphoria (Trans, Non-Binary, etc.)

         You are loved. You are amazing. I love you.

For anyone struggling with Body Dysphoria,

               You are beautiful/handsome. I love you so much.

I know I'm a stranger on a screen, but I do. We're never going to meet (maybe) but I do love you. Keep being amazing, and shining as bright as you can! Keep walking with your chin up. Eat some good food, and binge watch a good show. Take some time for yourself. I don't wanna sound cliche, but just do it. <3

(+4)

as someone who is not trans, but still in lgbtq+ , I hard to fully understand the struggle trans people have in this world, but I really impressed with the voice acting, no image, just text and voice and I still can hear the pain in it. I love it...

(+1)

I am happy you loved it, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

Really, really fantastic work. It hit hard, haha. I hope you're doing good, you certainly deserve it.

(+3)

Thanks! I like to think things are always getting a little better. I hope things are getting better for you too c:

(+1)

Thank you, they are!! :]

(+2)

This game was painfully accurate. I've identified as transmasc for like 5 years and nonbinary for the past 2 years. Coming out over and over again, debating your existence, serving as a diplomat for the trans community...it gets so exhausting. But hey, at least we have each other <3
This was nice, good work!

(+3)

We do indeed have each other, thank you for playing! <3

(+2)

This is an amazing game. it truly is a piece of art

(+1)

Thank you for your praise u-u <3

Deleted 147 days ago
(+1)

Thank you, I really appreciate that you took the time. I hope things are easier now <3

(+4)

as a trans person this hit hard for me im ftm i came out 2 years ago but im still misgendered and deadnamed im planning to come out again to show my mother that it wasnt a phase she has been using the word girl a lot more often and i mean a LOT and i hate it i have dysphoria a lot and its the worst feeling ever 

i loved this thank you for making this 

Happy pride month!! :)

(+4)

You’re welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. Happy pride month to you as well! <3

(+4)

I think this might be the first time I've left a comment on an itch game. I'm cis myself but someone I really care about recently came out as trans and... This activated my empathy something fierce. A lot of things I never thought about, experiences I never imagined. I hope I'm a bit more aware going forward to care for the trans folks around me. You've made something good for the world here. This is a special one.

(+1)

Thank you for taking the time to write this comment, it means a lot to me to know that my game was able to communicate those things to you and that you were able to empathize. Let’s make the world a better place for everyone <3

(+3)

ach. This is a very impactful game. Thank you for sharing, I appreciated it greatly. If only it were not so relatable

(+1)

You’re welcome, I’m happy you appreciated it and found it relatable (even though it is painful). <3

(+1)(-1)

It certainly was an interesting insight.
But I wouldn't see this as a game, rather than just a story. The sounds and the "clicking to continue" doesn't really make it a game.

Anyhow, more people should see this story.

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I’m glad you enjoyed it, feel free to share it with whomever you choose <3

(+3)

I found this page through the "Queer Games Bundle" and I'd just like to thank you for making it. I'm a straight cis man from Brazil and I am absolutely sure that this experience will help me to avoid making hurtful mistakes.

(+2)

Thank you, I am glad you found it useful and informative <3

Deleted 1 year ago
(1 edit) (+2)

I’m glad you enjoyed the game and felt understood, thank you for playing <3

(+2)

Dude, I feel like I have been going through Gender Dysphoria since I came out as Non-Binary, and to this day, my gender gets mistaken. This game helped me to understand not only the struggles of transgender people, but also to help me understand that gender dysphoria is something that everyone who changes their gender goes through. Thanks @exodrifter for making this. I wish you the best of luck! You are beautiful, no matter your gender (except me. I ugly (: ) <3

(+1)

You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it! Though, I hope you’ll find it in yourself someday to recognize the beauty you already have within yourself.

(+2)

Hi there! Sorry it took me so long to reply! But here's a small gender dysphoria/euphoria update:

I still struggle, but my bf has helped me through. Thanks for the small reminder that I'm beautiful. I identify as Non-Binary, but I use it was an umbrella term sometimes. If you wanna get technical, I'm Agender. But, I prefer Non-Binary. I feel so proud, and I want everyone reading this to know you are beautiful and I am proud of you, no matter your gender, sexuality, or race. We may never meet, but I wanna say something.

                   I love you. <3

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